Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Theory of Love

Psychologist Robert Sternberg wrote the Triangular Theory of Love and within it states:

In the triangular theory of love, love is characterized by three elements: intimacy, passion and commitment. Each of these elements can be present in a relationship, producing the following combinations:

  • Liking or friendship (intimacy)

  • Infatuation or limerence (passion)

  • Empty love (commitment)

  • Romantic love (intimacy+passion)

  • Companionate love (intimacy+commitment)

  • Fatuous love (passion+commitment)

  • Consummate love (intimacy+passion+commitment)

How can a person define love when there are so many different combinations that qualify in each its own? Take for instance the love of a child. This is an unconditional love that cannot be compared to anything else. To take a sick child into your arms and holding them safe from the horrible illness that has partaken of them, knowing that this is the only place for them to feel safe and secure, proves that love is a viable thing. Although, this love isn't the same as a romantic love, the intentions held within are comparable.

Dr. Sternberg shows that intimacy can also come in different forms of love, from friendship to romantic to consummate love. An example would be, I love my ex-wife. At one time I would say we had a consummate love. We had the intimacy, the passion and the commitment that was undeniable. As time went on after our break up, our consummate love changed to the love of a friend. The intimacy is still there but it overshadows what we had when we said those vows. Love can change as time passes. But does time change love?

When you enter a love relationship that first moment becomes one of friendship. You meet, hang out, court. You look into the person's eyes and there is a connection. You talk, you touch. You feel a fluttering in your heart. A pain enters your stomach and you feel queasy. Then comes the time where you move on to the next step. The infatuation becomes like a disease. You feel you have to have it. Then time moves on and you go beyond the infatuation. You start to notice the feelings become more. They become solid. You feel these feelings to your core. Your heart aches when the other person is not there. The love becomes as if it is one on both sides. You have built it up, both of you. Adding the romance and the passion. You look into one another's eyes and you know this is it. A proposal is made. You both accept. You marry, have children and grow old together. You consummate the relationship. Sometimes you stay together forever. Sometimes, love fades away

Some people shy away from love. They believe it to be a folly, a discernment in the eyes of G-d. G-d gave us love as a gift. A gift of feelings and emotions that can be transferred from one person to the next. Some people have been burned by love. They are left jilted and jaded. People abuse love. One of life's most precious resources and we still abuse it. We take people, steal their heart and then walk all over it. Before we know it, love will be gone like so many other resources.

"'How despicably have I acted!' she cried -- 'I, who have prided myself on my discernment,-- I, who have valued myself on my abilities, who have often disdained the generous candor of my sister, and gratified my vanity in useless or blameless distrust. How humiliating is this discovery! Yet how just a humiliation! Had I been in love I could not have been more wretchedly blind. But vanity, not love, has been my folly. Pleased with the preference of one, and offended by the neglect of the other, on the very beginning of our acquaintance, I have courted prepossession and ignorance, and driven reason away where either was concerned. Till this moment I never knew myself. " Pride and Prejudice By Jane Austen.

Love blinds us. Like Ms. Austen showed us in Pride and Prejudice, love will make us do silly things. Sometimes we forget our senses. We forget judgment. We allow ourselves to believe so much in the passion, the intimacy, the romance that it clouds the rest of us. Other times the love is so perfect that we are able to become one with our partner. In the story of her life, she loved and lost her love. She never loved again. He married and named his eldest daughter, Jane, after the one he loved and lost.

Love found me and I let it go. My heart still loves but it is less trusting than it used to be. I have found that the love of a friend can be more endearing than the intimate, romantic love. You can still have the romance and the intimacy without the consummation. I have that. And it is enough.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Will you say I do?

Have you ever been proposed to? We were watching Definitely Maybe the other night and were talking about proposals. When I got married, I had the sweetest proposal. We were in the shower together; she was getting ready to leave for work. I had just finished scrubbing her back and she turned around, facing me, got down on her knees and asked me to marry her. While the water was running down my face and my hair was in a disarray, I said yes and kissed her. We were married shortly after.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Meet me at the Drive-in

I love the drive-in. Where else can you go and watch 3 movies for $8, see old time cartoons, and watch retro intermission advertisement? We had a blast last night. Front row, curled up in camping chairs, weather just cool enough for a sweater and cuddled under blankets when it got cooler.

Drillbit Taylor ***

This movie was fun for the whole family to watch. A little violent for the younger kids, but definitely amusing. Drillbit is a AWOL US Army man who is living on the streets. He takes his showers on the beach and feeds off the people of the city. The boys are your typical freshmen, new to a school, awkward, and out of place. The perfect target for the local school bully. The bullying gets worst as the weeks go on and the boys decided to hire a bodyguard. Drillbit takes the job on the notion this money will get him to Canada. A great movie about the trials and tribulations of youth, trust, and making new friends.

The Spiderwyck Chronicles *****

Great family movie. The Grace family moves into their Aunt's creepy house in the middle of no where. The children are dealing with the break up of their parents. Jared decides to explore the things going bump in the house and finds a hidden room through the dumbwaiter. Goblins, hobgoblins, faeries and sylphs surround this tale of adventure and danger.

The Ruins ***

*NUDITY* The Ruins is about a group of college kids vacationing in Mexico. When they meet up with a German, their life gets more interesting. They go to visit an ancient Mayan ruin well off the maps. What they find there will change their life - if they live through it. Flowers that imitate phones and humans, flesh eating vines and some angry villagers make up this movie. While good, I wish someone would make a good scary movie!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Akron and Civil Liberties

Akron was a nice get away although it is not the most interesting of cities. We were there from Friday to Sunday. The boys hung out in the pool and hot tub most of them time, while I was working the school open house. We saw so many great kids there all weekend. There are all sorts of new ideas forming with the school. With almost 3000 students now and more coming in the next term, it is the largest DELA school in the country. The kids get so much one on one from their teachers and the teachers really care about the kids and help them to not fail. They prepare them for college and even help out with other life issues as well. I watched kids come through this weekend and saw how much they enjoyed their teachers and enjoyed getting together with their classmates. They did science and math experiments, participated in fun activities, saw how technology is advancing our children and spent the weekend learning. Had I known as much back years ago as I do now, I would have followed through with enrolling him then. It is amazing that the work is 20 times more difficult and yet he is getting all A's and B's.

In addition to our previous 80 degree weather, we had snow, sleet, rain and hail this weekend. Now Mother Nature and G-D are officially in the divorce and the custody fight over the kids has not been pretty. We went from blizzard to drownin, flooding rains, to hot weather, to more flash floods to snow again. Remember temperament climate here! Our crops are suffering and they are barely in the ground. Corn prices went from $4 a bushel to over $6 due to the opening of a new corn ethanol plant. The ground is too soggy to plant and if we ever do get it dry enough, we fear the frost will hit it again before summer hits and then we might lose them. Then moving on to our normal summer drought which then the crops will suffer again because of thirst.

I was talking to a friend this morning about elections, our freedoms and liberties and how the popular vote still doesn't count towards scat and he was telling about some things going on in Florida. They passed an amendment at the beginning of the year to lower property taxes. Property taxes in FL have always been high. So this amendment passed, and now they are in a drought because rainy season doesn't start for another month. They are told that they are on water restrictions and yet the water companies come back at them saying they aren't using enough water so they are going to place a high surcharge on their bill.

It is a catch-22. When and where are we going to find a real balance in things? Will our vote ever count? When can we go back to robbing the rich to feeding the poor? We live in the land of the free but our own civil liberties are challenged day after day. You can't do this, you have to pay this... but vote on this and we will fix it - only if the electoral college votes agree because you know, we don't look at the popular vote. Religion, politics, war, feast and famine. And no I am not talking about the middle east. I am talking about right here in our own country. In the land of the free.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Clarity or lack there of

After sleeping approximately 25 hours due to a nasty migraine, I found some clarity to a lot of things.

  • I found that I should never take anything for granted.

  • I found that even when away, someone is thinking of me.

  • I found that sometimes a body actually needs 25 hours of sleep.

  • I found that I can dream in Technicolor and that it is daylight out at 5 AM.

  • I found that migraine meds can give you a lack of clarity.

  • I found that sinus meds make you thirsty.

  • I found that I dread the next week of rain.

Clarity brings a lot of things into perspective and over time these are the things that become the most important to us. I dislike the unknown and look forward to the known. I know that I have a 10 year plan and things are falling into place so well. I have a vision and I know that this vision is attainable. I have a 4.0 GPA in school, and I work hard to keep that. Vet school means so much to me. It is a chance for me to do what I do best.

The new site is taking off like wildfire. I am very proud of it. I have so many ideas for it. People have really taken to it, more than I could have imagined. We got a new client for work which will enable us to upgrade the business, plus another one coming up right behind it.

I can't complain.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

More Innovations

Here are some more for your viewing enjoyment...


Brandon sent me a site today that had some wonderful innovative ideas that I wanted to share with my readers. I only picked a handful that was on the page, but you can see all of them here.