Oops sorry you have to be straight to be on our site

Ah the sun is shining and the birds are chirping sweetly. Life as we know it is wonderful. But there is just something missing in your life and you just can't put your finger on it. Someone else. Someone else to share your life with. Someone to watch sunsets with. Someone who will cuddle with you on chilly evenings while you read a book.

Even though I am the Geek Dyke, it doesn't mean I don't have a romantic streak to me. I love to surf the web looking at all of the different personal and social sites out there. My friend, Kelly, wrote a blog about the plethora of sites not too long ago here. Well, while I was out perusing the sites over the weekend, I came across some of my old personals profiles. At the same exact moment there was another one of those eHarmony commercials. You know, the annoyingly sick ones like this:





So I hop on over to their site and I look at their sign in. When what to my wondering eyes should appear but a options section that doesn't include queers! I take a deep breath and control my frustrations and I search for a contact page so that I can talk to eHarmony Staff about their apparent disregard for those of us who are the same sex who might want to get in on the action too. I sent them my message and today in my inbox I received this reply:

Dear eHarmony Friend,

Thank you for contacting eHarmony. eHarmony provides an Internet relationship service with a patented matching system designed to match highly compatible men and women who are seeking a long-term relationship.

eHarmony's patented matching system is premised on over 35 years of clinical practice and empirical study with opposite-sex couples about the similarities and differences between men and women and what leads to a successful opposite-sex relationship. eHarmony has not developed the same long-term research on the most successful same-sex unions. For that reason, eHarmony does not provide online matching services to persons seeking only same-sex matches. We do not, however, prevent anyone from accessing the website, filling out the Relationship Questionnaire, receiving the free Personality Profile, and using the opposite-sex service as we currently provide it.

While there are no current plans to provide a same-sex matching service, eHarmony does not rule out the possibility that such a service may be available in the future. Please be assured that we take feedback regarding our service seriously and that your comments will be taken into consideration.

Sincerely,

Customer Relations
eHarmony

Okay let's break this apart, shall we.

eHarmony provides an Internet relationship service with a patented matching system designed to match highly compatible men and women who are seeking a long-term relationship.

I guess this means as queer people, we are not able to be matched on compatibility.

eHarmony's patented matching system is premised on over 35 years of clinical practice and empirical study with opposite-sex couples about the similarities and differences between men and women and what leads to a successful opposite-sex relationship.

Wait - you mean the us, queers, are unable to take our similarities and differences so that we can also have a successful same-sex relationship?

We do not, however, prevent anyone from accessing the website, filling out the Relationship Questionnaire, receiving the free Personality Profile, and using the opposite-sex service as we currently provide it.

So, really you are saying that I am welcome to change my queer gender bending ways and hop aboard the straight train and they will find that manly man I have been missing all of my life.

While there are no current plans to provide a same-sex matching service, eHarmony does not rule out the possibility that such a service may be available in the future.

When the cows come home and people really find out that we are closet homosexuals just waiting to break out of our seams! Come on ePeople, you are basing your studies on tests that have been around for 35 years! Gay people have been around since the beginning of time! So exactly what are we waiting for?

Please be assured that we take feedback regarding our service seriously and that your comments will be taken into consideration.

As it is placed on the wait-list pile that used to be a mile long until someone sends out the memo to send it to recycling.

And so it goes. eHarmony will not be on my CHRISMAHANU-SOLSTIKWANZAKAH list this year. After 35 years of studying compatibililty tests, it has been concluded that eHarmony does not fit into my target audience even though "such a service may be available in the future."